Fuel the Fire: Turning Pain Into Purpose

I have a deep feeling inside that tells me I need to share my experiences with others. I need to be the light that guides people to live the way they were meant to.

Our trauma is a part of us. But if we embrace it and flip the script, it doesn’t have to be the reason our life felt wasted. Instead, it can be the very thing that fuels our growth—our strength, our purpose. My mistakes showed me who I am not.

Hardships can go either way. We can allow them to consume us, snuffing out our beautiful light and turning us into part of the world’s problems. Or we can take those hardships and use them as fuel. Fuel to break the cycles. Fuel to rise above and become pure of heart, eager to help others. Fuel to become a safe space for the “broken” because we, too, know what it is to burn.

I know this because I lived it.

When I was eight, my mother passed away, leaving me with a father whose soul was already broken. He loved drinking more than he loved himself. And when he met his life partner—a woman so deeply damaged that she seemed to enjoy breaking the spirits of others—my world became even more of a whirlwind.

She was a mean drunk. Even though she knew how toxic alcohol made her, she could never stop for more than a few days. She encouraged my worst decisions—drugs, alcohol, sex. One moment, she was my “buddy,” smoking pot with me and letting me drive at 14. The next, she was the most toxic person in my life. We fought—physically and emotionally. She said awful things to me. She even shamed me for keeping a picture of my mother and father together in my room.

I learned quickly that survival often meant keeping your guard up. But eventually, everything came to a breaking point. After my father and boyfriend got into a fight—rolling around on the ground—I had to go. Children and Youth placed me in foster care. I had always had a fire inside me, so I didn’t take well to being controlled. I ran away. I didn’t get far, but I did lose trust. That landed me in a placement center.

The next two years were a downward spiral. Facility after facility. More anger. More self-destruction. But then, something changed.

I was going to be an aunt.

That news shook something inside me. That was the moment I found the strength to accept life as it was and get back on track. That was when I started to see myself—not as a screw-up, not as what the world had told me I was, but as something more.

For so long, I let my pain define me. But when my niece was born, I knew in my heart that I was meant for something bigger. My heart pulled me away from my misguided lifestyle and led me straight to her.

She gave me the strength to change. I wanted to love her, and I needed to be worthy of that love.

Love truly is the key. It is so powerful that, if we choose to embrace it, it grows. And once it starts to fill you up, you can become someone worth looking up to.