Oops, I Grew Again: The Messy Magic of Becoming Me

Growth doesn’t always look graceful. Sometimes it looks like love, loss, fire, and freedom—all at once.

I was convinced I needed to keep my guard up. For so long, it felt safer to armor my heart than to risk being hurt again—especially by someone I believe I was meant to awaken with. A huge part of me still feels that my husband and I are soul-contracted, if you will, to walk this journey together. But despite that deep inner knowing, I felt the need to convince him—and myself—that I was done.

And maybe I was meant to feel that. Maybe I had to stand in that conviction, to see my own strength more clearly. Because every day since then, my perception has been shifting. Slowly, gently… I feel myself being pulled back to the truth. Not the fearful truth that says “protect yourself at all costs,” but the soul truth—the one that whispers, You are ready. You are safe. You can love without losing yourself.

I’m no longer waiting for a guarantee. I’m not here to chase or to fix. I’m here to embrace—to love freely and fully, while standing firmly in my own light. I’m ready to accept that he is my soulmate in this lifetime, and I trust the timing of our growth.

But here’s the difference now: I know what I need. I know my worth. And I know that if he chooses to ignore his own awakening, his own path—I am strong enough to walk away.

At the same time, I’m humbled by how fluid this journey is. I have no idea what tomorrow will shift, or what new awareness might arise even later today. But because I know who I am now, that uncertainty doesn’t scare me—it grounds me. The journey really is from within.

I don’t judge my mistakes—I thank them. I don’t judge my feelings—I embrace them. We are human. We are growing. Perfection is not real.

And that’s the beauty of it all: I’m not here to be perfect. I’m here to be present. To keep showing up, raw and real. To walk the path, even when it twists and turns. Because love—true love—starts with the way we show up for ourselves.

We are meant to grow alone—not walk alone. And in my opinion, if you feel the need to place yourself so high that you forget to treat others the way you’d want to be treated, there may still be deeper work to do. Awakening isn’t about elevation—it’s about compassion. About remembering that no matter where we are on the path, we are all still learning.

As always, take what resonates and leave the rest. This is my truth. I’m not here to convince anyone. I completely support your journey, even if I do not agree with you.